Stepping out into the world can be tough, people throw stuff at us, accuse us of causing their pain and suffering. What is really happening? When a person feels excessively upset for something, seemingly small or minor, you could say that a person has been “triggered.” Their old unhealed wound has been touched. They are feeling the weight of all the times that that ever happened to them and guess what, it’s their stuff.
Yesterday, I had the feeling I was being attacked and blamed for something so small and innocent. At first, I felt a huge rush of indignant anger and blame towards the offending party, the pull to make them fully responsible for the feelings I was having was strong. I resisted any retaliation. Then after a period of suffering my own ill feelings, I took a deeper look. I know that I am responsible for my own feelings, I just had to discover what they are and where they come from. I dug deeper with the help of my partner and some therapeutic tools we have learned. I discovered that underneath my own attack and blame was sadness, shame and a feeling of being unsafe.
I experienced some violence when I was at school. Over a period of a year or so, on different occasions, people wanted to beat me up. That feeling of fear that followed me back then came rushing back yesterday and I felt very anxious and upset. It wasn’t until I explored the root cause of my feelings that I was able to see I was feeling my past and believing old beliefs! “I’m not good enough. I am too much for the world. I am unworthy of love and respect.”
I cried yesterday for that scared little person in the playground. The therapeutic process was transformative, it enabled me to take full responsibility for my own emotional experiences and thusly, reclaim my power. Someone else’s attack and blame touched a very old wound in me. I spent some time yesterday reaffirming the truth about myself. “I am enough. The world loves me for who I am. I deserve to be treated with love and respect.”
Having my wound touched was a gift. A chance to become more fully who I am, a chance to heal just a little bit more.
Lots of love,
P.S Read my TWO WRONGS blog here