The In Between

Embracing the in between is one of the hardest but bestest things I can do. I left my life in Canada as I had been living it. An identity, a community, a belonging of sorts. And I stepped off a cliff and said yes okay, I will trust the net to appear.

And I am still falling.

Where is the net?

I don't have the coordinates of my next destination. Except of course, yes, I am going to be on retreat next week with a bunch of beautiful souls. But I have no clue what comes next.

My mind wants an answer. And I simply have no answer to give it. So then it panics and says: you don't belong.

I say: that's a bit harsh, do you want to take a beat?

You don't belong, you are lost, what have you done?

But I have been between chapters before. My recovery was such a leap of faith. It was an absolute unknown. Letting go of my substance crutch, that was huge. I didn't know who I'd be clean and sober. It was the biggest adventure of my life, and in many ways continues to be.

For the longest time I had one foot in my old life and one foot in my new life and I was uncomfortably straddling no man's land.

But slowly I discovered myself. Who I am, what I love, what I need, and what I don't.

There was the divorce style breakup, that was a whole heap of unknown. There was legal stuff that felt never ending and hopeless. And that resolved.

Chapters end and new ones begin. And so here I am, announcing to my fear brain one last time: change is a process. And answering a call to leap empty handed into the void will not leave me stranded on the rock of not belonging.

Give time time. And go find a river to swim in. It's hot here today.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

Lizzie x