Mothering America

Dear Friend,

Hello from the road.

I made a reel yesterday and started it: I’m a 45-year-old woman with no home and no children, and it’s a privilege. I’m going to travel the USA meeting all the women in recovery… 

Sometimes I feel like the only person who hasn’t got children, but actually lots of my friends don’t, and mostly we’re okay with it.

I used to assume having children would make me a real woman. I even went through the artificial insemination process; so driven was I by my desire to belong. I discovered through that process that I was deeply ashamed about being a gay woman. In my unexamined thinking, children equalled normalcy.

The four uncomfortable and awkward times I did try to get pregnant were unsuccessful, but the success was that the process shone a light on the fact that I had internalized homophobia.

Today, I am very grateful that I don’t have children. Not because families aren’t wonderful; I just really enjoy the amount of time, money, and freedom that not having children affords me. I love my sisters’ children, and my friends’ children, and even just random children I meet along the way. But really, aren’t we all children, big and small, trying to muddle through this deeply intense, sometimes scary, and very absurd thing we call life?

And so, I asked myself: What can I do with all this childless time I have on my hands?

I thought, I know, I can travel across North America in a van and use my childless time to mother the USA, letting her suckle on the teat of my humour, wisdom, and wit.

Sorry for that image.

Here is a picture that has nothing to do with that.

Thanks for walking with me,

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Lizzie xxx